Tuesday, July 13, 2010

for the ghost of fannie dade



July came one whole month early
to the south
to our city
I broke my mouth down
on her sweet-tasting shoulder
over & over
in the sick sweat of sidewalks
and buildings
amidst the smolder of tinder
I tried to be tender
but her cheeks were timid
they bruised to the bone
because I wanted her
I wanted her
& told her so

settled down with her there
on the stone stoops
of old Victorian homes
just the same as it was
when I was living alone
so I slept through her sadness
& she solemnly stayed
while I remained somnolent
'til the day she got wise
she got real wise & wasted
left me to nestle her empty bottles
like bodies
like brothers
like lovers
held tight to my bosom
beating me down
hunched over double
with knees up to nose
It's a noose
Oh god, don't I know
that it's never enough to say sorry
so sorry
after your own regrets have roughed you up

Thought I was a battle ship
I asked you
to batter me baby
my body
my body
my bartering chip
was laid out bare
still barely could go
for a price as cheap
as skin & bones
all flesh costs more than money
and still is worth a little less
soon as it's been spent
when it's gone
you're a gonner
it gets gone for good
leaves you gaunter than ghosts

Like an apparition
I was bending for my baby
with breath so softly bated
this was my condition
she could not hear me haunting
a space my presence left unoccupied
as vacant as her eyes
no final resting place
for this emptied weight of mine
I was oh so tired of waiting
but I tried
at least I tried
though these years have only passed me by
and it's not ever worth the wait
when all that you've got
is only time
only time
only time

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