Tuesday, April 21, 2009

All that irritating noise just sounds like a lullaby to me

I seem to have developed complete immunity to the sound of my alarm clock. Only recently have I come to acknowledge my body’s tendency to hyper-evolve in ways that make me late for class. I guess it should come as no surprise considering that I once slept soundly through a hurricane that caused my roof to cave in (the ceiling above the kitchen and living room was reduced completely to rubble). And if mother nature’s fury cannot disturb my slumber, certainly a puny electronic device is no match for me.

The year of hurricane Ivan was probably the best year of my life. A gaggle of men wearing surgical masks came by to assess the gaping hole in the house and decided that the best thing to do was to throw a big blue plastic sheet over the entire roof. The tarp cast an eerie aquatic glow over everything inside and for the next ten months I felt like I was living underwater. During this time I was also exposed to a miraculous amount of pornography. There wasn’t much to do but explore architectural carnage and in these gutted buildings I (always the archaeologist) unearthed a staggering number (literally tons- by weight) of smutty magazines. The best varieties were discovered inside the sailboats that washed up in the park near the Port of Pensacola. Most notably, I was alarmed to find a publication devoted entirely to photographs of naked women doing suggestive - more than suggest, really - things with pork products. Although I didn’t actually flip through the pages (which would have involved touching them), for me in all of my sixteen-year-old girlhood, the covers alone were enough to strike fear into my wee heart.

Goddamn, nostalgia makes for some wickedly tangential concoctions...the crisis at hand remains unresolved. I can’t afford to miss another class because my annoying-noise threshold has exceeded my alarm’s beeping capabilities. Currently, the most effective plan I’ve devised to make sure that I wake up on time is to bypass all of that nasty waking up business entirely by simply not going to sleep in the first place. As clever as this tactic may be, it is difficult to pull off successfully several days in a row…

So I guess I’m going to bed now.

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