Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tofutti time

I’ve been without a cell phone for over a week now. Admittedly, this one didn’t go out quite as epically as the last. My previous phone was equipped with some sort of voice recognition software and would attempt to pronounce the names of everyone on my contacts list. In its final death throws, the poor thing attempted to elicit help from several of my dearest friends by calling out to them alphabetically, an effort which was doomed to failure, considering that these names came out in what amounted to a series of high-tech burps. It was a very HAL moment.

But I’ve now grown acclimated to life without the burden of technology. Initially I was filled with paranoia. What if someone wanted to call to say “hey” ? But now I am at peace with nature and myself. After only three days, I began to commune with the moldy granola particles scattered on my floor. Currently I am experimenting with telepathy as a more environmentally sustainable way to keep in touch with friends and loved ones.

Now, time for some trivia…
Let’s go back in time to Depression era America. Times are rough, but through all hardship, love prevails as a new hero emerges: Henry Ford, Soybean Pioneer!

Yes indeed, Mr. Ford was in the thralls of a passion, a passion he wanted to share with the world- his joy for soy. He became so enamored with the humble legume that between 1932 and 1933 the Ford Motor Company spent approximately $1,250,000 on soybean research. By 1935, every Ford car had soy involved in its manufacture. Soybean oil was used to paint automobiles as well as fluid for shock absorbers. Ford scientists even developed a fiber from soy protein which was wool-like and very soft and Ford found himself mighty cozy in his suit made entirely from soybeans. So smitten was he that he threw dinner parties with nothing but soybean based foods on the menu.
One such menu included all of the following items:

* Tomato juice seasoned with soy sauce
* Celery stuffed with soybean cheese
* Puree of soybean
* Salted soybean
* Soybean crackers
* Soybean croquettes with tomato sauce
* Buttered green soybeans
* Pineapple ring with soybean cheese and soybean dressing
* Soybean bread with soybean butter
* Apple pie with soy crust
* Cocoa with soymilk
* Assorted soybean cookies, cakes, and candies
* Roasted soybean coffee
* Soymilk ice cream

Ford also funded the development of a soybean biscuit, which both Ford and white rats apparently liked, but was, as one of Ford's secretaries described it with unabashed candor, "the vilest thing ever put into human mouths."

But most of all, Ford loved soymilk. He was constantly inviting his friends and research assistants over to sample it, stopping just shy of using brute for to get them to acquiesce. The man certainly had an indomitable spirit. You can’t help but admire his take-no-prisoners attitude.

Which reminds me… Tofutti Break!

1 comment:

  1. I want to call just to say "hey!" get a new phone grandma!